


when you leave me, i'm in pieces

by etherealities



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, But it's sad, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Mentions of Death, Other, i forgot how to write angst, it's like pure fluff except it's sad, like nothing happens that's sad, no description of death, no idk how he died dont ask me, uhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:21:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27149327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealities/pseuds/etherealities
Summary: no one had thought, when the two of them met, that they’d end up dating. it was the last couple anyone had seen coming - shoyo had believed that it was a weird prank for a good month until tetsuro had kissed kei, hard, after a practice match to shut him up when kei challenged that tetsuro was definitely the less ‘cool’ of the two. it was definitely a way to prove which of the two could keep their cool with something like that - it also left both teams in utter shambles for a good five minutes while kei blushed madly and tried to both push tetsuro away and hide his face in the shorter boy’s neck. they had only had 5 practice matches against the other school after that - ukai had joked that if kei was going to get so competitive against his significant others, maybe they should’ve started dating much sooner, to which tadeka had added that maybe they should start pairing up all the students.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 13
Kudos: 31





	when you leave me, i'm in pieces

**Author's Note:**

> un beta'd! we die like men
> 
> title from less of you by keshi

it was usually the same bouquet, every year. yellow acacia, pink alstroemeria, red ambrosia, white anemone, red camellia. it wasn’t hard for tsukki to always get this bouquet - the shop which he worked at never questioned the bouquet, and the manager knew kuroo, anyway. kuroo would come by on saturdays to pick tsukishima up after work since that’s the one day of the week where kuroo got off of his shift earlier than tsukki did. this bouquet, however, was reserved for one day, every year. kuroo’s anniversary. this year, the day fell on a tuesday.

“take care, okay tsukki!” oikawa waved tsukki off of his shift, taking his place behind the cash register. yachi popped her head up from behind a row of daisies, also waving cheerfully at tsukki. “stay safe!”

tsukki ignored the worry in her eyes. she always looked like that when he was holding this bouquet.

he usually went to the same coffee shop on tuesdays. kuroo worked here once, but he quit after about a year cause the uniforms were uncomfortable and he got a better paying job at a gym after that. tsukki liked the job he’d got at the gym - kuroo always looked hot (literally and aesthetically) after coming home, and it meant kuroo was more clingy for a while, as he was when he was tired. also, tsukki got to go to the gym and stare at kuroo instead of working out.

it was nice.

he went and took his normal order, a caramel macchiato with an extra shot, light on the whipped cream, extra caramel over the cream. it was an order he and kuroo would often get matching: kuroo would get the mocha equivalent to his, and once, when they’d come with yachi and yamaguchi, those two had gotten the strawberry and vanilla parallels. it’d made for a very aesthetic day together. tsukki didn’t actually care much for that it looked it nice, but it’d seemed to have made yachi very happy, which made yamaguchi happy, so kuroo had convinced tsukki that it wasn’t “just silly,” but was kinda - okay, pretty cute. so what if tsukki still enjoyed the drink and now appreciated that it in fact looked nice? just because kuroo had given him an appreciation for the small aesthetics in life didn’t really do much.

usually, after that, he’d go home. tsukishima had adopted a cat about 2 years ago, just after moving out of the college dorms and settling into their new apartment. it was a stray he’d found out on the streets, he’d named it kenma. the kitten stayed at home most of the day - tsukki and kuroo had set up a room for it together, coving most of the wall in carpet instead of wallpaper or paint and generally making the room into somewhere kenma could spend the majority of his day comfortably.

but today, instead of heading home, kei started towards the outskirts of town. his car was at the shop for repairs, so he’d taken his bike to work. tetsuro had helped him install a basket into the front during heir college days.

the bike out was nearly half an hour long, and by the end of it, tsukki was a bit breathless and tired. but the ride gave tsukki time to think, and today all he thought about was kuroo. every month, it was easier - he was a little less nervous to give tetsuro the flowers, and his words came easier. some years he’d tell tetsuro about his day, tell him about iwaizumi finally asking oikawa out after literally over two years of denying his feelings, tell kuroo about akaashi finally moving to europe like he’d always wanted to, after getting an internship at a company. bokuto had crashed at oikawa’s place for two days after that, seemingly unsure of what to do with himself now that akaashi wasn’t around, but volleyball practices had started up soon after that and he was (mostly) back to his normal self. akaashi kept well in touch with all of them, though he was making good friends in his workplace and bokuto was becoming a little more than possessive and whiny in the group chat. but it was cute, yachi insisted, and yamaguchi would wonder aloud whether that was a cue for him to be possessive over his girlfriend or not.

kuroo smelled like sweat and vanilla lotion. he’d taken to wearing vanilla chapstick, too, and insisted that no, it wasn’t solely for the benefit of kei’s lingering kisses on his boyfriend’s lips. when kei woke in the mornings, kuroo was often still in bed, with an arm wrapped over kei’s waist and kei’s hand over tetsuro’s. tetsuro had offered for kei to move in with him as soon as he graduated college, since they’d pretty much roomed for the years that they were there together - they weren’t officially roommates, but with how often kuroo slept over and the number of times hajime was kicked out and stayed with daichi, they might as well have been.

the apartment he’d rented was small, with two bedrooms, a bathroom, kitchen, and living room. they ate their meals around the coffee table and the second bedroom remained practically untouched unless they had guests over, which wasn’t too uncommon. at nights, they’d eat on the couch, more often than not watching volleyball matches or whatever anime kuroo was currently keeping up with. some nights, if they were restless, they would catch up with tooru, hajime, tadashi, koutarou, and koushi if he was around to play volleyball at the courts. tetsuro had begrudgingly allowed tsukki to pay for half of the rent, but only after kei had threatened to move out if kuroo didn’t allow him to do so.

tetsuro had been the one to find the courts, of course - they were hidden in a little neighborhood about 10 minutes from their apartment, a public beach court far different from their high school days. the court had palm trees around it, entwined with fairy lights, and more often than note tsukki would get a little distracted if they went out there after hours, studying the warm glow on kuroo’s face and body, the soft light making his smile so much softer - or maybe that was the way kuroo looked at tsukki, tender and in love, like he was here for kei and not the game, though they all knew that when tsukki and kuroo were on opposite sides, neither had any inhibitions about sabotaging the other to win.

they hadn’t gone to that court for a while - bokuto and akaashi had gone for a bit before akaashi left, and from what tsukki heard, yamaguchi and yachi had gone with them. yachi had improved a lot since sugawara had started teaching her, and proved, apparently, to be quite a good setter. tsukki thought maybe he’d try to go next week; he knew kuroo would like it if he went with their friends, played a bit, tsukki wasn’t sure he could, but he’d try. it’s been almost two years, after all.

soon enough, he reaches the end of the town, where the concrete roads start trailing the forest and the sidewalks disappear into worn-out grass paths, weaving in between trees. tsukki’s been through these paths many times, at least once a month, if not more. _24 visits,_ he thinks. _24 bouquets._

after a while, he’s forced to get down and walk his bike through the trees. it’s about 4 pm, he thinks, and the trees aren’t dense. it’s actually a really nice walk, and kei might’ve enjoyed it. tetsuro would have been much more avid about it - he was always the one nagging tsukki to get out of the house, go for a run, do something in nature.

maybe if he’d gone with him, things would be different.

the walk out to the field was about 10 more minutes. tsukki missed tetsuro.

no one had thought, when the two of them met, that they’d end up dating. it was the last couple anyone had seen coming - shoyo had believed that it was a weird prank for a good month until tetsuro had kissed kei, hard, after a practice match to shut him up when kei challenged that tetsuro was definitely the less ‘cool’ of the two. it was definitely a way to prove which of the two could keep their cool with something like that - it also left both teams in utter shambles for a good five minutes while kei blushed madly and tried to both push tetsuro away and hide his face in the shorter boy’s neck. they had only had 5 practice matches against the other school after that - ukai had joked that if kei was going to get so competitive against his significant others, maybe they should’ve started dating much sooner, to which tadeka had added that maybe they should start pairing up all the students.

the next two years had been weird - tetsuro busy with college, kei studying and balancing volleyball. they’d drifted apart a couple of times, but they made it work, and weekly facetime calls during the second year ended with tsukki feeling almost more enamored for the man than when they’d first started dating if that was even possible.

all too soon, kei reached the clearing. he left his bike leaning against the black metal fence and walked to the fence, where the guard gave him a friendly enough nod and left him in. he’d seen tsukki come this way enough times.

tsukki passed statues of angels, crosses, plaques with no names. there was a family gathered at the far end of the cemetery, kneeling beside each other and heads bowed. kei headed in the opposite direction, closer to the maple that grew just outside the fence.

as he walked over he took the rubber band off of the flowers, unwrapping the plastic so nothing unnatural would be left in the package. the flowers had wilted a little in the time he’d taken to arrive, but they looked fresh and pretty, and still smelled beautiful.

tetsuro’s headstone was pure white, a little worn down from rain and wind. a small angel had been carved in above his name, once pure white but now dust rested within the cracks.

“two years.” he whispered, lowering onto his knees and placing the flowers on the grave. “it’s been two years, tetsuro. i miss you.”

kei sighed, looking up at the sky. there weren’t many clouds to be seen, the same as when kuroo had been buried - it was similar every time he came, to be honest. the gatekeeper had once told kei that whoever he was coming to visit - kuroo - had told god to keep the skies clear when he came, so that he could see kei. tsukki had cried after being told that.

he sighed and looked back down at the ground. “akaashi is visiting next week. bokuto can’t stop talking about it. i’m thinking we might go down to the court and play if they’re not making out on someone’s couch the entire time that akaashi is here.”

kei told tetsuro about the shop, how yachi and oikawa had found a way to string some of the vining plants across the walls and how now when you walked in, it looked like a garden and not just a flower shop. he told tetsuro about how hinata and kageyama were planning to visit as well, in a month or two, once kageyama got a vacation from the job he’d got in the states. he’d also heard that lev’s sister was getting married soon - tsukki wasn’t in touch with him, but yaku had kept in touch with nishinoya who kept in touch with asahi who kept in touch with sugawara. sugawara had gotten an invitation already, as had asahi, noya, and yaku - lev had soon found kei’s instagram and the invitation was extended to him as well. he’d attend, probably - there was no reason not to, and it’d be nice to visit russia.

tsukki had hoped that it’d be he and tetsuro mailing those invitations, someday.

“i hope you’re happy, tetsu.” kei’s knees were hurting at this point, and the sun was setting. the other family had long left by the time kei had relayed all the events of the past month. “i know you don’t want me to be stuck here forever. you’d want me to move on, right?”

no answer.

“i just… i can’t help but wonder what would have happened if i’d gone running with you, just that once. would i have been able to push you out of the way?” he wondered aloud. “i know i’ve never told you this, but i can’t help but wonder.” tsukishima sighed, looking down at tetsuro’s name. “would i be with you?”

“kenma misses you, too.” he breathes, standing up. “i miss you.”

he watches the horizon for a moment, then turns and walks back towards the gate. he’s been visiting less and less, trying to force himself into moving on, even a little bit. “i don’t know how i’ve managed to keep going, these last two years.”

“but it’s what you would do, right?”

the walk back through the forest is darker, and he moves more slowly. kenma must be hungry by now, he thinks, though he’d left the kitten’s bowl full whenever he’d left. yamaguchi had promised to refill the bowl whenever he was on break, and he usually did.

tsukki swings a leg over the bike seat and glances backwards again, wishing to see kuroo there, smirking at him and waving him off.

he wasn’t.

“we’ll be together again, tetsuro.” the wind took kei’s breath away as he pedaled, blinking fast and ignoring the tightness in his throat. “just not in this life. not soon.”

“i miss you. i’ll wait for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi the ending was very rushed i apologize? so I'm back after like a year of not writing and it's not kpop this time lol though I have like a 20k nct au in the works... maybe I'll publish that someday...
> 
> come yell at me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/tsukkitti)


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